If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
