please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
