Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
