WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
