saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
