it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
