I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
