margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
