I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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