yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You've changed since you got that strap on
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
