I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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