u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i've created a new STD.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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