You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
