Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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