I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's rum buckets o'clock
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
