If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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