I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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