you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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