Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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