she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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