who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
