I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
