Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
