I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize