isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
soo... how was my night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
