No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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