i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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