I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
