Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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