I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
