Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
