One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
