Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
