End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
