you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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