you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
