my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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