sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
