I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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