I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
