This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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