I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
