But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
