Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
