Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
