yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
