its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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