she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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