Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
