Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
