Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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