Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
