as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
