You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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