There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
