he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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