alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you