nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
