ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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