Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
