we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
