so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
