why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
