Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
