i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
