i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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