I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
