Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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