2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm bleeding and have questions
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
