The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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