I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
