Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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