so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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