Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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