Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
false alarm, still single
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
