Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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